Because who hasn’t dreamed of having googly eyes, Fred is selling these Chill Out cooling gel eye pads. You just place them in the freezer for 20 minutes, then lie down and let the stress slip away. And surprise anybody who happens to see you! It definitely beats a bag of frozen peas.
My wife does the whole cucumber eye treatment thing; I wish she wouldn’t put the cut cucumbers back in the bag in the fridge afterward because mascara should not be a salad topping. Ranch dressing and croutons, absolutely. As a matter of fact, I’ve made salads with nothing but croutons and ranch dressing before. Some might argue that isn’t actually a salad, but they would be wrong.
I only wish I could see out of them so I could wear them all day long. Coworkers at the office will start calling me Googly Eyes, and I’ll ignore them just like I always have. I’m not here to socialize; I’m here to… actually, why am I here? I’m going home.
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